Pregnancy at 47: Nadine Bode talks about her pregnancy via sperm donation

You gave birth to your first child a few weeks ago. Your son was conceived through sperm donation. Tell us how you came to this decision.

It was a long process. When I was in my early 20s, I thought I would be a mother by the time I was 30 at the latest. My mother had me very young, which I always admired. But the relationships I had never resulted in a child. Many men changed their minds about wanting children, or they were unable to father children. Ultimately, I left three relationships because I couldn't imagine life without children. It was difficult, but my desire to have children grew stronger after I was 40. Finally, as a single mother, I decided to use a sperm donation and go through fertility treatment on my own.

I met my current partner at tango. He didn't want any children either, but I still did. That's why I call myself a single mother, because after three years of being in a relationship and endless discussions, I decided to go to fertility treatment alone, was officially treated as single there and am now effectively a single parent, both financially and in terms of custody.

Now to the specific question: How does fertility treatment work? Can you explain the process to our readers?

At the fertility clinic, there was a preliminary consultation where blood values ​​were tested. For me, at 47, the options were insemination, in-vitro fertilization (IVF) or egg donation abroad. Since I was already dependent on a sperm donation, I did not want a foreign egg and opted for insemination in the natural cycle. A single cell donation was out of the question for me at the time, as the whole child would have been "foreign", so to speak. Now that Dari is here, however, I see things differently and I can say with certainty that I would love my baby just as much if it had been conceived through an egg donation. I can therefore only encourage every woman who no longer has other options to consider it. I also decided against in-vitro. Firstly, because it is very expensive, around 5,000 euros per attempt, and the health insurance does not pay towards it either at my age or for single women. And finally, the professor told me that in my case, the chances with in-vitro were not that much higher than with insemination and that older egg cells in particular are more likely to suffer when removed for artificial insemination.

Since I had no health problems, but only my age and lack of a willing partner, I decided to have insemination without any hormones or medication for stimulation. On the one hand, because as a single mother I wanted to avoid increasing my chances of having multiples, and on the other hand because I wanted to keep the whole process as natural as possible. I also thought to myself: "If my body is no longer able to do it without support, then maybe it's just not meant to be for me anymore." But I can understand every woman who really pulls out all the stops to have a child, it's just not my path.

The actual insemination process is simple: on day 9 of the cycle, an ultrasound is done to check whether a well-developed follicle is present. If so, from day 11 onwards I used test strips at home to measure when the egg would be released. For me, this was usually day 12, as my cycle was already somewhat shortened to just 26 days. Then I went to the clinic as soon as possible to have the insemination done; you only have a window of a few hours. The insemination itself is almost painless and only takes a few minutes. A tube of sperm is thawed; this takes around 30 minutes. Then you lie down on a chair and the sperm is inserted into the spot using a catheter; this takes maybe 3 minutes. Then you get dressed, go to work and carry on with your life as normal.

We are always concerned with discrimination and unpleasant encounters during pregnancies that deviate from a supposed "norm". Have you had negative experiences because you had a child through sperm donation as a single mother and if so, how did you deal with it?

Fortunately, I rarely had negative reactions, and they mostly came via social media. Derogatory comments like "The poor child" hardly affect me. I've been a vegan since day one, I'm used to being criticized. Most people around me were happy when I got pregnant.

When you look back on your time trying to have children, what improvements would you like to see for other people trying to have children over the age of 40?

I would like to see more support from doctors, especially with regard to additional tips on blood values ​​or nutritional supplements. Politicians should also intervene more strongly here and also provide financial support for fertility treatments for older women. For example, fertility treatments are no longer accepted as special expenses by many tax authorities after a certain age. And something else that annoys me is that if a woman has a one-night stand, doesn't know the man and gets pregnant that way, she gets maintenance assistance. I, on the other hand, don't get this because I chose the situation myself. But don't I just produce a taxpayer? I think that's pretty unfair because I didn't really choose my situation voluntarily.

Finally, what would you like to say to our readers?

Separate yourself from men who do not share your desire to have children, unless perhaps it is true love. A strong desire to have children is non-negotiable and cannot be suppressed. And don't wait as long as I did. Don't give up as long as your finances and nerves allow it!

I needed 20 inseminations in the natural cycle and a quote from JM Storm carried me through the time I was trying to have a child and has become something of a life motto: "Magic happens when you don't give up, even when you want to. The universe always falls in with a stubborn heart."

Finding the golden egg at our age is a bit like a lottery, except that the chances are much better. You shouldn't let unfavorable factors discourage you. Of course I had good starting conditions, but during my time trying to have children I also met women who suffered from autoimmune diseases, had an AMH value of practically zero, or had even been through cancer treatment and still had a child. Many things are possible, and miracles do happen! I even met women who had several children at the age of over 45. Don't get upset about the expense if it doesn't work out. See it as an investment in your mental health, even if it doesn't work out in the end. I would never have forgiven myself for not at least trying. During my pregnancy I often thought about the saying that in each cycle the body chooses the best egg available for the next ovulation. That sounds a bit as if at the end there would only be leftovers or rejects. And now I look at my Dari, as handsome and strong and sweet as he is, and ask myself, how could a younger egg ever have been "better"? With that in mind, I wish you all lots of baby happiness and perseverance <3

You can find Nadine on www.terraveggia.de and on Instagram .